im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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