Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
