You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
