I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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