Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
