You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
