My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
