so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
