The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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