don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
