i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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