who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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