I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
