you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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