Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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