too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize