Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
