Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My vagina is officially offended.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
