My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
