It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
