Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
she looked like the before picture.
and she was petting her beer can
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize