after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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