The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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