Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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