who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
