I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
