Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
tell me about the eggs
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
