dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
