I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
