Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
