Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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