He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
