i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize