We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
sick fucks of a feather flock together
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
