ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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