I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
