this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
