Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
now i know why i became what i already was.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
