Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
