dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
