DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
BRING THE BAGELS
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
