I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
