I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
