And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
