I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
