Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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