would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
