so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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