he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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