you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
