Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
