I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize