omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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