Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
