When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
