I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
now i know why i became what i already was.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize