I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
my being single is dangerous.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
