she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
