I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
