From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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