Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize