he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
