And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
