he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
