I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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