so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize