u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
