I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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