Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
