we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
