Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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