Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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