Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
