Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
oh god the rape fog is back!
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
