I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
