he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
