Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
