shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
