Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
