So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize