At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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