i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
What a dumb baby whore.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
