You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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