We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
