I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize