Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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