Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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