1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
