Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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