He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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