I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
honey bunches of taint.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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