"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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