There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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