omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize