I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
