why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
