Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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