i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
How does it feel to date your dad?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
