I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
