The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
