i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize