You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
