So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
