half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
