roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
