Well douche your snatch and let's go!
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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