I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just invented taco cereal.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
