seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Let's paint friendship bongs
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
