why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
