your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
People in love make me want to vomit
i love accidental penises.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize