Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
