I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize