After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
