i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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