apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Randomize
