you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I look better un-naked...
I wish life had little blips of pornography
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
