I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
